Priscilla
I have been saved since I was 8. I was molested when I was 5 or 6. Over the years I had come to the realization that the molestation was a part of me that was hidden in my heart that I needed to dig up and destroy.... See, I don't know who it was that molested me. I was told who it was by a family member. All I know is that it was someone who was a good friend of the family, but I cannot see the face. I can tell you everything that happened, but I cannot see the person’s face. I struggled with anger issues pretty much all my life. I became very good at hiding it -- it only appeared when I got pushed too far. When I got married, my anger appeared quite frequently (mostly at Bryan, my husband). I had said in the past that GOD was HELPING me with my anger, but I was always fighting the urge to get angry. The fight only lasted a while and then I was right back in the same situation.
Another thing that happened as I grew up in this dysfunction was that I heavily relied on the adult women in my life to help lead and guide me in the way of Truth and help teach me how to put my trust in God. I found myself relying on all of them instead of God. It was this way for most of my life. They were so full of faith and one of them was a minister. So, I didn’t think about the influence I was allowing them to have on my life.... instead of allowing God to be my influence. BUT GOD!!! Through it all He kept me.... even when I rebelled for about 6 months (that’s another part of my story). When I got married I still allowed their influence to be a part of my life, so much so that it affected my marriage. Bryan and I had trouble in our marriage for many years. I wasn’t giving up on us, but instead of seeking guidance from God, I ran to the people in my life. This caused even more issues because I was making rash decisions without seeking God’s wisdom and guidance.
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU JUST HOW GOOD GOD IS!!!!.... I attended a New Year's Eve service in 2011 at a church in Irondale, AL. I TOTALLY gave GOD my whole heart that night (every corner, crevice, inch, ALL). I received a greater joy than ever and two things happened that night:
1) The service was awesome. The spirit was moving, and the place was filled with worship and praise. I didn’t feel any conviction over anything that was said during the service until the altar call was given……Evangelist Kevin White mentioned that there were some Christians who knew GOD, but how well did GOD know them?
That got me to searching myself. He then asked for anyone, who needed deliverance from something that was hindering their walk with the Lord, to come to the altar for prayer. The moment the word DELIVERANCE was spoken, something gripped my heart. I went up front for prayer. While I was standing up there praying, GOD let me know that I still had unforgiveness in my heart.
At that moment I told GOD that I was ready for a change and that I wanted Him to have all of me. When Bro. White came to pray for me all he said was, “Freedom.” He repeated that one word several times to me.
I felt the power of GOD go through me and if it wasn’t for someone standing by me who started hugging me, I would have hit the floor. I made my way back to my seat and just kept worshipping and praising GOD.
When I finally opened my eyes, the whole room looked brighter. It was like GOD not only did a spiritual work in me, but He changed my whole outlook on life (my perspective). I received so much joy that day and I strived daily to keep that joy because it felt so good. What I realized later was that when that joy showed up all the anger that I had been struggling with within myself was gone. I didn’t even have the urge to display anger like I used to.
I can stand here and honestly say that GOD had given me NEW LIFE! I had literally taken on NEW LIFE because I cannot remember a time in my life that I did not struggle with anger. I AM SO GLAD WE SERVE A GOD WHO IS STILL IN THE HEALING & DELIVERING BUSINESS!!!!!
2) I didn’t get home until around 2am and went straight to bed because it was now Sunday and I had to run sound at church that morning. I noticed more of a change within myself as we all were getting up and getting ready for church. My attitude had changed.
I wasn’t fussing at everyone to hurry up! I just had so much peace & joy. So, we went to church like usual.... had church.... then headed home. After we got home, Bryan mentioned to me that something was different about me. That led into me sharing with him what happened at the service the night before.
When you have a true ENCOUNTER with God, people will notice a change in your life. I’ll have to admit that not all encounters cause instant transformation.... BUT FOR ME IT DID!!!! All I wanted to do was spend time with Him and read His word. A friend gave me some scripture and books to study about being a wife. Man, did I realize I was not being the wife I needed to be.
From that day on my relationship with God changed. My worship changed!! Worship is who I am & praise is what I do!!! I was not just changed that night, but I was TRANSFORMED. I started studying out His word for myself and allowed Him to reveal to me where I needed to change even more. I’m not perfect and I still don’t read & pray like I should. I’m just so thankful for His grace & mercy and for Him opening my eyes to see what He would have for me.
I had never felt this FREE before.
As I was fellowshipping with an Evangelist/Pastor friend, Lewis Smith, on a Sunday night in January 2012 (1/29/12) my mind went back to a dream I had in 2011. In the dream I was trying to dig up a baby to kill it. I didn't understand the dream because I love kids so much. But that night the Lord revealed to me that the baby was the molestation. Even though I cannot physically approach the person to forgive them, GOD has TOTALLY healed that hurt.... I didn't realize it was still there. When GOD delivered me from my anger, the hurt left also. You see, I still didn't totally understand what all GOD was doing in my life since that New Year's Eve. All I knew was that I liked the way I was feeling and loved the fact of not being so angry. That night, during my conversation with Bro Lewis, I realized that a lot of my anger towards Bryan was the anger towards my molester. I AM SO GLAD GOD REVEALED THAT TO ME!!!! I came to realize though that NOTHING JUST HAPPENS.
Everything had to happen just the way it did for me to be where I am today.
Priscilla Glenn
